I hope your cell phone catches fire

I was reading this article in the New York Times today about how scientists are working overtime to make cell phone batteries that last longer. It seems that lots of people are bitching at a loud volume that their cell phones are dying on them. But there's a small problem the cell phone battery scientests are running into according to the article: stronger batteries tend to catch on fire real easy.

In my five years of cell phone ownership, I have had a battery die on me exactly one time and that was just because I took the phone on vacation and forgot the charger. Why, you ask, have I rarely had a phone go out on me? Because I'm neither absent minded nor idiotic and I charge the phone every night. Also, I don't talk on the thing 8 hours straight every day. I have some self control.

So when it comes time to get another phone, I'll have no choice but to get the next generation, stronger battery phone because that is what the market demands --- and will likely be the only kind available. Ultimately it will catch fire in my pants because two years earlier, Jenny in Portland was too fucking stupid recharge the phone she can't ever stay off of and had to have a stronger battery.