Squirrel Attack

Squirrels are cute little bastards until they get into your attic. Then they're just bastards.

When I was in Colorado earlier this year, a windstorm pulled down the t.v. cable line to our house. I came back home to moderate house disaster. Some idiot cable guy had anchored the cable to a siding board underneath the roof, which should be the first rule they teach you at cable guy school --- don't attach cable to siding board under the roof. The board, which measure 13 feet long, came off side of the house with the cable. And, of course, it's on the second story. Before I could replace it, a band of squirrels decide to use the opening to get into my attic. And guess what? Squirrels like to run around at night, keep you awake and chew on your electrical lines until your house catches on fire. So I put up the replacement board one day, thinking the squirrels were out having lunch. I ended up trapping some inside. I heard them scratching for their lives. But the little a-holes just chewed through the board, making a squirrel sized hole, and got out. Then they laughed at me.

I called an independent pest control guy --- one of the only ones who deals with squirrels --- and he quoted me $500 to deal with the squirrels completely meaning he'd trap and remove as many squirrels as it took and release them into the wild until they were gone. Or I could pay him $90 bucks for every squirrel he hauled a way. I went for the whole package. This guy hauled away about 25 squirrels over the course of four months. I got the better end of this deal.

This one got trapped on my fence line. I hope he choked on somebody else's roof siding board.