Audio Tapes

When I was in the seventh grade, I had one of those massive tape recorders that I used to record funny stuff on T.V. with. This was way before anyone on my block owned a VCR because they cost about $2,000 at the time.

One thing I recorded, and listened to over and over again, was a Saturday Night Live from around 1980 that Steve Martin hosted. His monologue was brilliant. I think all he did was state things that he believed in. I still remember a bunch of the lines, such as:

"And I believe in the family, Mom and Dad and Grandma.. and Uncle Tom, who waves his penis."

"And I believe 8 of the 10 Commandments."

"And I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, wholesome and natural things.. that money can buy."

"And I believe I made a mistake when I bought a 30-story 1-bedroom apartment."

"And I believe the Battle of the Network Stars should be fought with guns."

I miss the old Steve Martin.