Monday, August 27, 2007

Famous phone numbers


I had to look up a number in Karen's cell phone today. And since I don't know how to use the complicated phone well, I had to scroll through the incredibly long alphabetical list of people my late wife knew to find who I was looking for. One of the phone numbers I scrolled past were the home digits for one Robert Smith. I couldn't be him, could it?

Saturday, August 25, 2007

Lowest Common Denominator Dallas


In every single club in Dallas, you're guaranteed to see three things: douche bags wearing their striped "going out" shirts, wall-to-wall blonde women and no dancing, just grinding.

Monday, August 13, 2007

Jamie's crying, but you're not touring


So, David Lee Roth announces today for, what, the 37th time that he will tour again with Van Halen. The previous 36 times he's said this, the tour never happened. So, I think there should be a restraining order placed on DLR's famously large mouth preventing him from using the words "tour" and "Van Halen" together in the same sentence until a show is actually played.

Sunday, August 12, 2007

Double doors


Carnivirous


Pictured in its natural habitat, this animal is known for its shiny coat, loud mating call and rampant cell phone use. It survives on a steady diet of sushi and men.

Underwater bowling


Thursday, August 02, 2007

Onward Idiots Through the Fog


People are so conditioned to do the same thing every day that sometimes it endangers their lives. Example: On heavy rain days in Texas, roads often flood. And because people can't be bothered to be shaken from their daily route, run of the mill idiots will always drive right into a flooded road, causing the car to either get stuck or washed away and the driver to be either stranded or drowned. It happens every single year in this state.


So while driving to work this morning, I saw something highly usual out my route, which includes a shortcut through a residential area. At a corner in this neighborhood, I saw a huge cloud of smoke ahead. I saw it a good four blocks ahead of me. And there was no explanation for it, because there were no flames to be seen and no manhole cover near that would cause steam to escape (like that would happen in the middle of summer in Texas anyway.) So I slowed down and did a WTF look around. And, for some unknown reason, somebody had tossed a three gallon bottle of chemicals in the road. The spill was huge and the chemicals were bubbling on the ground causing a big gas cloud. I immediately turned right, stopped my car and called 911 about the chemical spill.


And of course, a stream of oblivious idiots kept driving through a noxious cloud of God-knows-what into a booby trap set by some would-be Chemical Ali, splashing right through the bubbling toxins. I would imagine most of these shitheads won't have any idea why entire sections of paint and metal are melting off the side of their cars when they get home or why their lungs hurt so bad.