Breathing statue

This is what I'd look like as a statue in Washington D.C.'s National Gallery.

Machine Gun Rack

Grid

Enter At Your Own Risk

I can't tell you how bad I wanted to go in this abandoned 1878 courthouse in South Texas. The floors were totally rotted from being flooded by a nearby river over the past 100 years. Most of the roof was caved in. I'm pretty sure the part of the roof that wasn't caved in would have come down on my head, had I stepped inside.

Church

This church in Terlingua is unlike any church I've ever been in. There are no pews, no hymnals, no Jesus, just a painting of the Virgin Mary.

Have a seat on the floor Spaniards and let me tell you about the Virgin Mary.

Album Cover

This will be the cover for my new alt-country album, "John Clarke's Texas Highways." It will include songs about girls, Shiner Bock and the troubles on the border. It will be real original.

Global Positioning

I just drove over 1,000 miles on unfamiliar Texas highways. This was my GPS system.

Showing

Combine girls, white wine and a camera and before the end of the night, one of them will ask you to take a picture of their cleavage.

Clean

This Texas gas station men's room met Exxon's stringent cleanliness standards for 1978 according to this sticker. It's slipped a little since then.

Gauguin

Self portrait of a Gauguin self portrait.

Wife Statue Head

Lost in the Foliage

Capitol Idiot

Offensive Airplane

Is it really necessary to refer to same-sex aircraft in such derogatory terms?

Rural Shadow

Knievel Stunt

It's possible to jump the Rio Grande River, if you get a running start.

West Texas Rental

I paid for a mid-size rent car and the lady at the counter told me to go on the lot and pick out any car. I passed on several four door Oldsmobuicks and hopped in a PT Cruiser for one reason --- it had an Ipod jack in the stereo. This was crucial because in Far West Texas, there is nothing on the radio except static.

Lots of people hate PT Cruisers because the look stupid. I still think they look OK, but I wasn't aiming for style points on a work trip. This particular PT served me well. It was comfortable and its stereo accommodated the swirling guitar work of The Chameleons UK quite well. I wish I could say the same for the four cylinder engine and its struggles with the Davis Mountains.

Ghost Courthouse

I just got back from what may have been the coolest work trip I've ever taken. I'm writing an article about creepy abandoned courthouses in Texas --- of which there are many. I couldn't believe I got paid to do this --- I drive long distances and take pictures of abandoned stuff on my own vacations.

This trip took me all across south and west Texas. And this building is the crown jewel of Texas abandoned courthouse. It's on private property, way off the highway in a town that really doesn't exist anymore. I had to sweet talk my way onto the land and promise the landowners I wouldn't reveal its exact location. Adding to the spook factor of this place, the landowners live in a nearby farm house that's just like the one in the Texas Chainsaw Massacre.

Taking a Break

West Texas makes you drink. Here's proof.

I'm a Jerk

For some reason, I'm on some chicks e-mail list that is apparently a roster of her fellow young mother friends. I'm always getting invited to attend play dates and shit like that.

So today I got an e-vite to a birthday party for a one-year-old held in Springdale Arkansas. Of course, I responded in the affirmative with: "I've never been to Springdale, Arkansas but if there will be plenty of kegs and whiskey on hand, I'm willing to make the drive from Dallas."

Mom e-mailed me back with this: "Sorry, I just sent you an evite and read your response (ha!) Thought you were invited to one of our playgroups by another friend. My mistake. Please disregard."

My response: "No problem. I don't have any kids because I'd make the worst parent ever. But thanks for trying to include me."

Last Bloom

I grow roses.

I am not gay.