In my ten years of home ownership, I've had really good luck with neighbors. Barbara and Jason who lived next to me in my bachelor house, were quirky, unusual, interesting and super nice. I'm glad I got to know them and we still talk. Rick and Mike who live next to me currently are two people I consider fairly close friends. They would do anything for me and likewise.
But a decade earlier, when I lived in a series of random apartments in Austin and the greater Fort Worth area, I couldn't be bothered to get to know the people who lived beside or above me. It was sort of pointless because they could be living near you for a few weeks or a few months and then they'd be gone. So a pleasant hello was about all I had time for. But of all of those nameless apartment dwellers, there are a few that stand out. I couldn't remember their names if a million dollars was riding on it, but some of those people are still memorable to me for various reasons. Here are a few, whom I've given them own special monikers according to my corresponding memories of them.
1. Baby Daddy: This guy was my first neighbor in my college apartment complex in Austin. He lived next door to me, drove an old Monte Carlo and often wore a do-rag on his head that made him look like a black super hero. One day a girlfriend came over to his apartment with their toddler in her arms. For nearly a half hour, she stood outside his front door and knocked , calling out his name. Obviously he was there because the Monte Carlo was parked outside. So after I'd had enough of the knocking, I asked her if she'd like to come inside and use my phone. I'm not sure what this would accomplish because obviously, if he's not answering the door, he wasn't likely to answer the phone. She called him and the inevitable happened ---- he didn't pick up. So off she went with the toddler. I never saw her again and Baby Daddy thankfully didn't kick my ass for assisting his his Baby Momma in trying to raise him from the dead.
2. The Watcher: This was a girl who lived above me, about a year after Baby Daddy left the scene, in the same Austin apartment complex. She was always knocking on my door asking to borrow random items --- things I got the feeling she really didn't need. She'd smile and try to make more conversation than was necessary. I finally got the hint that she was interested in me. She was attractive enough, but back then, I wasn't used to women pursuing me and it made me uncomfortable, especially when the woman in question lived 30 feet over my head. And this was the one time a girl was interested me when I was already dating somebody else. Late one summer night, I came home with the girl I was dating. And my companion says "Why is that girl staring at us from that upstairs apartment?" So every time I came home with a female companion, I noticed my neighbor watching me and felt super uncomfortable. And this being around '89 or '90 when a famous movie about a psychotic female had come out, I had the irrational fear that I'd eventually come home to find a bunny boiling on my kitchen stove.
3. The Happy Boy: This person replaced The Watcher in the upstairs apartment. He was my first experience with a gay neighbor. I have no memory of what he looked like. My only memories of him are auditory in nature. He had a male friend or boyfriend who came over to visit from time to time. And they both made me laugh. Deep into the night, you could hear them giggling and dancing while playing Madonna records at full volume. "Holiday!" Giggle, giggle. "Celebrate!" Giggle, giggle, giggle.
4. The Bad Relationship Woman: As I left my carefree college apartment behind and got a job in the big city, I also left the carefree neighbor behind. Neighbors with real jobs and real relationships I discovered, tended to have real problems. A woman who lived above me had a four year old daughter. I never laid eyes on her, but I couldn't avoid hearing her phone conversations. Most of them were with boyfriends who apparently didn't treat her very well. She'd get very upset, would scream into the phone, and her poor four-year-old sounding daughter would cry. It was upsetting to me too. But the phone conversations she'd have would lead you to believe she put herself in some awkward situations. Once I heard her screaming at a boyfriend: "I can't believe you took those pictures of me!"
5. The Stripper/Hooker: At the end of my apartment living days, the complex got a whole bunch more interesting when this woman moved in two doors down. She drove a brand new 300 Z, had a permanent fake baked look and had incredibly large enhanced breasts. One look at her and I had absolutely no doubt that she took her clothes off for money. But what was odd was that during the course of a night, three and sometimes four men would come and go from her apartment. Who knows what was going on there, but I think it had to do with sexual relations --- paid or otherwise. One funny thing about this situation was that a local police officer lived between my apartment and hers. And because I was currently working as a police beat reporter, I knew that most cops love strippers. So instead of calling in the vice squad, I'd often see my cop neighbor trying to make time with the Stripper/Hooker.
