A Message to the Young Mothers of America

My buddy Dan has an assistant who apparently is a fine person. Dan likes her and reports that she is a very good employee. But he says every conversation he has with her goes like this. "So Mary, how was your weekend?" "Oh Dan. It was great. The munchkins and I went to the park. And Taylor did the funniest thing while on the playground . . . " Then his eyes start to glaze over.

That reaction is to be expected of a single guy when a young mother talks about her children. Single guys and young mothers live in two different worlds. Single guy's life: women, beer and searching for the meaning of life. Young mother's life: child rearing, play dates and taking comfort that she's found the meaning of life. There's not much common ground in this conversation.

Yesterday, I heard the word "munchkins" used to describe someone's children. And I felt Dan's pain.

So here's what I propose to make this conversation more palatable. Single guy and childless guy will smile and nod happily as young mother discusses the wonders of raising children. And young mother will abstain from using the phrases "munchkins" or "little ones" or "little people" when referring to her offspring. It's annoying and makes the single guy long for the taste of gun metal in his mouth. Use their first names --- you picked them out after all.